Apologizing is a bad habit
Sometimes, in order to smooth out the roughness of our actions, we rush to apologize. Apologies are considered as a way to correct errors or as compensation for possible inconvenience.
But often, by apologizing, you not only do not solve the problem, but, on the contrary, you only make it worse. However, there is an excellent alternative to apologies. This is what I want to tell you.
What’s wrong with an apology
First, when you apologize, you focus on the negative aspects. Before you mentioned it, this fact was invisible or insignificant to others. And now only the lazy one won’t shake his head and say: “Yes, indeed!”
Second, by apologizing, you acknowledge your mistake. You are the weak link! And if everything looked like it was planned before, now everything fell apart right before our eyes. As soon as you apologized, you immediately took on a sense of guilt and a sense of imperfection. It is much more difficult to continue what you started with this sediment.
Third, by apologizing, you provoke people to feel sorry for you or comfort you. Restore the balance of pleasantries, so to speak. Someone will say, ” well, all right. With whom it does not happen! ” or “it is not terrible, we understand…” If your mistake really caused inconvenience to people, then the “forgiveness” drawn out by force will be insincere. This may leave them with a negative impression. If the error is insignificant, then by apologizing, you, on the contrary, create a sense of guilt in people. Someone will think: “I didn’t do anything terrible, but I was just apologizing… Even inconvenient somehow…»
The best alternative to apologies is gratitude!
Rearrange your phrase so that instead of apologies and excuses, the person will hear gratitude or praise in his address. This way you will not make yourself look guilty, and you will give people a compliment.
Given example. I recently attended a master class that took place in one of the business centers on the outskirts of Moscow. Some people had difficulty finding the right address where the event took place. However, in the end, everyone gathered without delay.
Before the start of the master class, the host asked if everyone found the right place easily. Participants complained that they coped with this task with difficulty. In response, the coach said: “Sorry, this is our mistake…”
In this case instead of an apology it would be better to praise the audience: “What good fellows you are that you managed to come on time! If you have coped with this task, I am sure that you will not have any difficulties with mastering the master class program.»
Or here is another such case. After one premiere, I lingered in the lobby of a movie theater with the Director, discussing a movie I had just watched. When I went down to the wardrobe, I found only my coat and a couple of jackets left on the hangers.
I went up to the woman in charge of issuing clothes and said: “Thank you for waiting for the most notorious movie fans!» In response, the cloakroom attendant smiled and handed me my coat.
Just a minute later, two more men came up. One handed the tag in silence, the other tried to apologize. The Keeper’s sweet smile was replaced by a discontented expression. She immediately began to grumble that she should have been home a long time ago and that the clothes should have been received on time…
So now, instead of apologizing, make it a point to thank people!